Is Your Mother Still Alive

19 Nov

While having her lunch, my mother asked me if my mother is still alive. Yep. you read that right. Nope. I didn’t miss a word nor is that a typo. My mother asked me if my mother is still alive. That question literally took my breath away. At first I could not respond. I was looking at her and processing a million emotions at once. She asked the question again and I calmly replied, “No, she isn’t.” I have been pretty numb for the rest of the day. Later on mom mentioned that she went to my mother’s funeral. I just had to walk away. There was absolutely nothing left to say. Now I’m simply going to go to bed and pray that tomorrow is a better day for Mom and me. Confession of  a caregiver of a parent with Alzheimer’s

NEXT DAY: Now the real test is for me to approach the day as a clean slate. My mother will not remember anything about yesterday. She may even ask the same question several times today. This is when the dance between my reality and her reality gets complex or as simple as a choice to embrace her reality.

11 Responses to “Is Your Mother Still Alive”

  1. Stephen Key November 19, 2013 at 1:11 am #

    Seeing it in writing has given this story new weight.

    • delmariehines November 19, 2013 at 1:42 pm #

      I needed to write it down to relieve the weight of holding it inside. Thanks for always being there for me!

  2. Becky Mays Jenkins November 19, 2013 at 5:06 am #

    Understand completely…what I wouldn’t give just to hear my Mom’s voice again. She no longer talks but still just being in her presence blesses my life!

    • delmariehines November 19, 2013 at 1:45 pm #

      Although we talked about what you were experiencing with your mom, I didn’t really get it. This just seems to be one of those things you have to go through to really get it. I cannot even wrap my mind around what it feels like for you to see your mother and not hear her voice. Love to all of you.

      • Becky Mays Jenkins November 19, 2013 at 9:05 pm #

        You are so right….nothing prepares you for it. It is particularly hard for those of us whose Mothers have been fighters, champions for all people and who you could always go to for wisdom and direction. Please know that I am here for you always!! Love you much!

  3. Robert E. Person November 19, 2013 at 2:55 pm #

    Delmarie Hines, I taking this journey with you (literally).

  4. Willia November 19, 2013 at 3:39 pm #

    I had a similar response to Morher asking me if she was dead. It took me a few days to let her be! As I determined not to make it about me! Each day allowing her version of what’s happening to be forefront unless there’s some eminent danger of what’s she’s thinking. Even that has limits, because I’m not willing to create battle scars for her! Praying with you and Ma! Peaceful and enjoyment!

    • delmariehines November 20, 2013 at 1:23 am #

      Thank you for your prayers. I am praying for you and your mom, too.

      • AArion November 23, 2013 at 7:22 am #

        I am praying for you and your mother right now. Amen.

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